Are you learning to manage social anxiety or agoraphobia? If yes, I would like to present a certain technique that I use for supporting people to start a winning battle over their social anxiety or agoraphobia.
If you are troubled by social phobia or agoraphobia, then the following experiences will be well known to you.
A feeling of Intense self-focus
Regularly feeling that many people are looking at you almost like you are the center of attention.
Increased sense of worry.
Fear that people may take advantage of you or abuse you because they can see a clear weakness in you.
A feeling of humiliation that leads you to look away or look down regularly.
If you feel any of the above is recognizable to you, then you will benefit from using this technique.
So what's the approach?
The strategy is just simply to look up and around. Take a look at any person you come across. Observe what is really happening.
Before you conclude that I'm simply wasting your time, why don't you assume that this is an experiment to try out? Try it out and then judge for yourself.
Please don't make the mistake of assuming that the simplicity of this exercise indicates that it won't be of any use.
Why do you think people pick up this tendency to look down or away during these situations?
Typically, it may be because somehow, they think that there is a legitimate reason to feel embarrassed about. It's perhaps because they feel ugly, fat, peculiar or too tall. Because of this, they tend to conclude that the only reason folks will look at them is because people assume that they are rather awful or everybody may make fun of them and possibly point fingers.
Looking up and around at people frequently will help to ease the anxious edge off for two reasons.
Firstly, Looking up and around enables us to realize that almost 99% of people are not even interested in us at all as they are consumed by their own concerns and activities. 1% is far smaller than 99% and a lot easier to handle. Regrettably, failing to look up and about most of the time makes us conclude that if 1% of the people we come across look at us negatively, then everybody else will do the same.
Additionally, the same act of looking away has a tendency to make anxieties worse. Just try this experiment out and see for yourself.
Ask someone else to assist you out with this (It works better if the colleague is someone you are not too close to)
Put together a list of expressions containing the points you think people critic you negatively on, then get your supporter to pretend and read the sentences in an attacking fashion twice (e.g. What an unpleasant looking girl). At the first read look away with your back facing your friend, whilst he/ she reads then at the subsequent read turn back and face the friend.
You'll typically find that whilst your mate reads your list at you, looking away made you feel unsafe even if ever so slightly. Remarkably, the slight anxious sensation still occurs even though you have presented the statement yourself (note that the exercise should work better if the provided sentence causes you to feel uncomfortable or bashful in the first place.)
So how would you go about using the "look up and around exercise"?
This technique will work better for you if you can get a different person to work with you. It is very important that the person you opt for is objective so if you can, don't choose family. In addition, a pair of sun shades can help you feel more confident about looking around.
You'll be needing some paper and pen, which will help you take an objective account. Now, make a prediction. How many people do you think will look at you? It is good to differentiate between an innocent glance and an obvious 10-second glare. Okay, once you have completed this, go for a walk. Maybe to town or to the shopping complex. It does not matter as long as you find sufficient people around.
Now, mark a tick for people you see staring rudely at you and a cross for people who do not look at you.
Your findings will more than likely surprise you.
If you are troubled by social phobia or agoraphobia, then the following experiences will be well known to you.
A feeling of Intense self-focus
Regularly feeling that many people are looking at you almost like you are the center of attention.
Increased sense of worry.
Fear that people may take advantage of you or abuse you because they can see a clear weakness in you.
A feeling of humiliation that leads you to look away or look down regularly.
If you feel any of the above is recognizable to you, then you will benefit from using this technique.
So what's the approach?
The strategy is just simply to look up and around. Take a look at any person you come across. Observe what is really happening.
Before you conclude that I'm simply wasting your time, why don't you assume that this is an experiment to try out? Try it out and then judge for yourself.
Please don't make the mistake of assuming that the simplicity of this exercise indicates that it won't be of any use.
Why do you think people pick up this tendency to look down or away during these situations?
Typically, it may be because somehow, they think that there is a legitimate reason to feel embarrassed about. It's perhaps because they feel ugly, fat, peculiar or too tall. Because of this, they tend to conclude that the only reason folks will look at them is because people assume that they are rather awful or everybody may make fun of them and possibly point fingers.
Looking up and around at people frequently will help to ease the anxious edge off for two reasons.
Firstly, Looking up and around enables us to realize that almost 99% of people are not even interested in us at all as they are consumed by their own concerns and activities. 1% is far smaller than 99% and a lot easier to handle. Regrettably, failing to look up and about most of the time makes us conclude that if 1% of the people we come across look at us negatively, then everybody else will do the same.
Additionally, the same act of looking away has a tendency to make anxieties worse. Just try this experiment out and see for yourself.
Ask someone else to assist you out with this (It works better if the colleague is someone you are not too close to)
Put together a list of expressions containing the points you think people critic you negatively on, then get your supporter to pretend and read the sentences in an attacking fashion twice (e.g. What an unpleasant looking girl). At the first read look away with your back facing your friend, whilst he/ she reads then at the subsequent read turn back and face the friend.
You'll typically find that whilst your mate reads your list at you, looking away made you feel unsafe even if ever so slightly. Remarkably, the slight anxious sensation still occurs even though you have presented the statement yourself (note that the exercise should work better if the provided sentence causes you to feel uncomfortable or bashful in the first place.)
So how would you go about using the "look up and around exercise"?
This technique will work better for you if you can get a different person to work with you. It is very important that the person you opt for is objective so if you can, don't choose family. In addition, a pair of sun shades can help you feel more confident about looking around.
You'll be needing some paper and pen, which will help you take an objective account. Now, make a prediction. How many people do you think will look at you? It is good to differentiate between an innocent glance and an obvious 10-second glare. Okay, once you have completed this, go for a walk. Maybe to town or to the shopping complex. It does not matter as long as you find sufficient people around.
Now, mark a tick for people you see staring rudely at you and a cross for people who do not look at you.
Your findings will more than likely surprise you.
About the Author:
Do you suffer with intense anxiety all the time? then this page on dealing with anxiety might help.
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